823.1864.The first Day that I was a Life

823.1864.The first Day that I was a Life. (early 1862)

Miller (2016), Footnote 333:

“The first Day” may allude to Philippians 1:21–23: “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot [know] not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ.”. . . Apostle Paul sent this letter from prison to the Christians in Ephesus, in modern Turkey.

……………………….

My view of related events in ED’s “Life”:

I think “Life” began for ED during summer 1860 when Philadelphia’s superstar pastor, Reverend Charles Wadsworth, DD, visited her in Amherst. ED felt her “Life” ended in September 1861 when he wrote her that he planned to move to San Francisco to pastor a new church. Calvary Presbyterian. He gave no other reason that we know of and apparently did not say goodbye when he sailed from New York Harbor in spring 1862.

……………………..

823.1864.The first Day that I was a Life.ED-LarryB

The first Day that I was a Life
I recollect it—How still—
That last Day that I was a Life
I recollect it—as well—

‘Twas stiller—though the first
Was still—
‘Twas empty—but the first
Was full—

This—was my finallest Occasion—
But then
My tenderer Experiment
Toward Men—

“Which choose I”?
That—I cannot say—
“Which choose They”?
Question Memory!

…………………..

In Stanza 4, Line 15, note that ED capitalizes “They”. As far as I know, ED capitalizes personal pronouns for only two entities, God and Wadsworth, and context eliminates God.

………………………..

My interpretation of ‘The first Day that I was a Life’ (Fr823):

As “I recollect” “The first Day that I was a Life” was that “still” summer day in 1860 when Charles Wadsworth visited me in Amherst. “I recollect– as well” “That last Day that I was a Life”, a still day, May 1, 1862, when he sailed from New York Harbor without saying goodbye.
.
“That last Day of my Life was stiller than the “first”, “though the first was still”. “The last Day” “was empty—but the first was full.”
.
“This was my finallest Occasion” in “My tenderer Experiment Toward Men”. I promised Wadsworth I would be faithful to him and wore only white after that fateful summer day as a symbol of my spiritual marriage to him.
.
“Which choose I”, “Men” or no men, “Life” or death? “That—I cannot say—”. “Which choose” Wadsworth? “Question Memory!”

……………………..

When ED learned Wadsworth was moving to San Francisco, a different universe in ED’s mind, her lifelong separation anxiety triggered “a terror”, as she told her new mentor, T.W. Higginson (JL261, April 25, 1862):

“I had a terror—since September—I could tell to none—and so I sing, as the Boy does by the Burying Ground—because I am afraid”. [“sing” means compose poems]

……………………….

Summer 1860 to September 1861, barely a year, seems a sadly short “Life” of happiness, and recovery from the trauma of their separation took years: first came anger, then suicidal depression, and finally forgiveness, as evidenced by an 1886 letter to Charles H. Clark (JL1040, April 15, 1886, exactly one month before she died):

“. . . . . Going Home,” was he not an Aborigine of the Sky? The last time he came in Life [summer 1880], I was with my Lilies and Heliotropes, said my Sister to me, “the Gentleman with the deep voice wants to see you, Emily,” hearing him ask of the Servant. “Where did you come from,” I said, for he spoke like an Apparition.

“I stepped from my Pulpit from to the Train” was [his] simple reply, and when I asked “how long”, “Twenty Years” said he with inscrutable roguery – but the loved Voice has ceased . . . . .”

………………………

A half-serious interpretation of Philippians 1:21–23, as ED might modify it:

“For to me to live is Wadsworth, and to die is to marry Wadsworth in Heaven. But if I live in the flesh, poems will be the fruit of my labor. What I shall choose I know not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to dedicate myself to poetry and at the same time to be with Wadsworth.”

HOME

After commenting on Poems 1-763 (Franklin) on The Prowling Bee’, I am convinced that (virtually) all of Emily Dickinson’s (ED’s) poems have a factual historical level in addition to their various poetic levels of meaning. The reason for her instant and continuing public adulation (1890 - present) was and is, by far, poetic. She is one of the "Greats" that she always dreamed to be, despite her lifelong refusal to publish. That refusal freed her from criticism and allowed her to explore the outer boundaries of poetic power.

More than a century of scholarly research has resulted in somewhere between 10,000 and 100,000 books and published academic papers about ED. A large majority of these publications focus only on the “poetic levels” of one or more of ED’s poems. Publications that consider both the “historic level” and “poetic levels” comprise a small minority. Publications that focus only on the factual history of her life probably number less than 100. (All numbers in this paragraph are my estimates.)

Unfortunately for ED’s universe of readers, these two basic levels (historical and poetic) cannot be separated into two ivory towers. Every history-level publication that I know of includes at least some discussion of the poetic level(s).

The reverse is not true. In fact, authors of the “poetry-level” school seem to avoid commenting on the historical level, sometimes admonishing that a poem must stand on its own, without concern for its historical roots. To my knowledge, there are (virtually) no published “history-level” books or articles that totally ignore ED’s poems and their poetic levels.

Of course, ED’s refusal to publish her poems was only possible because of lifelong financial and daily social/housekeeping support by her family, especially her father and sister, respectively. In addition, throughout her life, the Dickinsons hired servants, first Negro and later Irish, some of whom became much more than housekeepers for ED.

My point is that our appreciation of ED's poems can be enhanced by understanding both poetic and historical levels of her sound and sense. We impoverish ourselves if we ignore their historical base.