834.1864.Fitter to see Him, I may be

834.1864.Fitter to see Him, I may be

ED included ten (10) alternate words (Lines 4, 8, 9, 10, 16, 20, 21, 26, 27, and 28). I prefer her alternates in Lines 4, 8, 16, and 28 and her original words in Lines 9, 10 (spelling corrected), 20, 21, 26, and 27. Here is F834, with my preferred alternate words in parentheses:

Fitter to see Him, I may be
For the long Hindrance — Grace — to Me —
With Summers, and with Winters, grow,
Some passing Year — A (charm) bestow
.
To make Me fairest of the Earth —
The Waiting — then — will seem so worth
I shall impute with half a pain
The blame that I was (common) — then —
.
Time to anticipate His Gaze —
Its first — Delight — and then — Surprise —
The turning o’er and o’er my face
For Evidence it be the Grace —
.
He left behind One Day — So less
He seek Conviction, That — be This —
.
I only must not grow so new
He’ll mistake — and ask for me
Of me — when first unto the Door
I go — to Elsewhere go no more —
.
I only must not change so fair
He’ll sigh — “The Other — She — is Where?”
The Love, tho’, will array me right
I shall be perfect — in His sight —
.
If He perceive the other Truth —
Upon an Excellenter Youth —
.
How sweet I shall not lack in Vain —
But gain — thro’ loss — Through Grief— obtain —
The Beauty that reward Him best —
The Beauty of (Belief) — at Rest —

My interpretation of F834, stanza by stanza:

If Wadsworth ever returns to Amherst, I’ll be fitter to meet Him because of my long wait for Him to return. Waiting may feel like a hindrance, but during that time, God will give me grace. Passing seasons and passing years will bestow on me a new trait; (enjambed)
.
they will make me fairest of the Earth. The waiting, then, will seem so worthwhile. I half attribute my emotional pain to Wadsworth for choosing to visit me in 1860. Nevertheless, I hope He returns.
.
The wait has given me time to anticipate His gaze, its first delight and then his surprise as he turns over and over in his mind my face as he remembers it. He’ll wonder if my transformation has been by the grace of God and search for evidence that I’m the same person he (enjambed)
.
left behind that summer day in 1860. My face will be so different that he’ll search it for evidence that that face is this face.
.
I only must not grow so fair that He’ll think he’s talking to a different person and ask for me of me when first I go to the door. No, I’ll welcome Him and never afterward leave His side.
.
I only must not change so fair that He’ll sigh, “The other ED, where is she, where?” Our love, though, will array me right; I shall be perfect in His sight.
.
If He decides that I am not ED, but rather a younger, prettier woman than he remembers, that’s okay with me because He will bestow his love on me but think he’s loving a prettier youth.
.
And even if that happens, how sweet that I shall not lack his love but gain, through loss, through grief, the beauty that he likes best, the beauty of belief, at rest.
.
.

This poem is ED’s wishful imagination.

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After commenting on Poems 1-763 (Franklin) on The Prowling Bee’, I am convinced that (virtually) all of Emily Dickinson’s (ED’s) poems have a factual historical level in addition to their various poetic levels of meaning. The reason for her instant and continuing public adulation (1890 - present) was and is, by far, poetic. She is one of the "Greats" that she always dreamed to be, despite her lifelong refusal to publish. That refusal freed her from criticism and allowed her to explore the outer boundaries of poetic power.

More than a century of scholarly research has resulted in somewhere between 10,000 and 100,000 books and published academic papers about ED. A large majority of these publications focus only on the “poetic levels” of one or more of ED’s poems. Publications that consider both the “historic level” and “poetic levels” comprise a small minority. Publications that focus only on the factual history of her life probably number less than 100. (All numbers in this paragraph are my estimates.)

Unfortunately for ED’s universe of readers, these two basic levels (historical and poetic) cannot be separated into two ivory towers. Every history-level publication that I know of includes at least some discussion of the poetic level(s).

The reverse is not true. In fact, authors of the “poetry-level” school seem to avoid commenting on the historical level, sometimes admonishing that a poem must stand on its own, without concern for its historical roots. To my knowledge, there are (virtually) no published “history-level” books or articles that totally ignore ED’s poems and their poetic levels.

Of course, ED’s refusal to publish her poems was only possible because of lifelong financial and daily social/housekeeping support by her family, especially her father and sister, respectively. In addition, throughout her life, the Dickinsons hired servants, first Negro and later Irish, some of whom became much more than housekeepers for ED.

My point is that our appreciation of ED's poems can be enhanced by understanding both poetic and historical levels of her sound and sense. We impoverish ourselves if we ignore their historical base.