My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun –
In Corners – till a Day
The Owner passed – identified –
And carried Me away –
And now We roam in (the) Sovreign Woods –
And now We hunt the Doe –
And every time I speak for Him
The Mountains straight reply –
And do I smile, such cordial light
Opon the Valley glow –
It is as a Vesuvian face
Had let it’s pleasure through –
And when at Night – Our good Day done –
I guard My Master’s Head –
’Tis better than the Eider Duck’s
Deep (Low) Pillow – to have shared –
To foe of His – I’m deadly foe –
None stir (harm) the second time –
On whom I lay a Yellow Eye –
Or an emphatic Thumb –
Though I than He – may longer live
He longer must – than I –
For I have but the power (art) to kill,
Without – the power to die –
Above, ED’s four alternate words are in (bold parentheses), Early commercial publishers (1929) of ‘My Life had stood — a Loaded Gun —’ accepted ED’s suggested alternative words in Lines 5 and 24. To my ear, those two changes strengthen the poem.
Judith Farr (1992, The Passion of Emily Dickinson, p 241) agrees with Adam DeGraff: ‘My Life had stood a Loaded Gun’ challenges all readers, and there is no agreement on its interpretation:
“In this discussion, moderated by Al Filreis, the panel gets into some of its many difficulties. Filreis calls it the most difficult of all Dickinson’s poems. That’s saying something with Dickinson, who is one of our most difficult poets.” (Excerpt from Adam’s explication, above.)
“There are a great many interpretations of this poem. . . . . it has become – especially after the feminist interpretations of Adrienne Rich and Albert Gelpi – a touchstone in Dickinson criticism. (One famous Americanist told me, “I test all writers on Dickinson by just one thing, their performance on ‘My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun.”‘)” (Farr 1992)
Indeed, just six months ago on The Prowling Bee, in a comment on ‘On a Columnar Self’, F740, Anonymous, September 7, 2024), I received this request:
“Hello ! I admire your interpretations. I was wondering if you have any essays on ‘My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun’ . . . . ” ?
Reply, (Larry B, September 8, 2024), “Thank you ‘Anonymous 9/7/24’. Not yet. That poem is F764”.
There are many possible interpretations of F764, and I chose one based on ED’s relationship with Rev. Charles Wadsworth because this is a “Master Poem” (Line 14). There is no known proof that “Master” is Rev. Wadsworth, but two eminent ED historians (Sewall 1974 and Habegger 2002 ) conclude that no evidence rules out Wadsworth as ED’s “Master”, and more circumstantial evidence points to him than to any other candidate. ED’s earliest “Master Letter 1”, Draft (Spring 1858) predates her first interactions with either Bowles or Higginson, ruling them out. Other noteworthy supporters of Wadsworth as ED’s Master include three eminent Dickinson scholars, Judith Farr (1992), T. H. Johnson (1955), and G. F. Whicher (1938).
For meter’s sake, ED used proper British spelling of “Sovreign” (Line 9). Most modern writers and publishers naively “correct” ED’s spelling to American “Sovereign”, thereby messing with ED’s meter.
In Line 1, the Speaker/ED literally states that, until now, her “Life had stood – a Loaded Gun”, which metaphorically means what it says: My Life had stood like Vesuvius, poised on the verge of blowing off my top. ED’s imagination knew no bounds:
“Vesuvius dont talk – Etna- dont – One of them – said a syllable – a thousand years ago, and Pompeii heard it, and hid forever. She could’nt look the world in the face, afterward – I suppose – Bashfull Pompeii!” (Master Letter 3, Draft, Summer 1861).
……………………………………………..
LarryB’s interpretations of each stanza in [bold brackets]:
My Life had stood — a Loaded Gun —
In Corners — till a Day
The Owner passed — identified —
And carried Me away —
[“My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun –
In Corners” waiting “till a Day”
When my “Owner (Master) passed – identified –
and carried Me away”.]
And now We roam in (the) Sovreign Woods —
And now We hunt the Doe —
And every time I speak for Him —
The Mountains straight reply —
[And now – We (the Speaker/Gun/ED and her “Owner”/Master), roam the world –
And now We hunt the Doe (“Foe”)
And each time he pulls my trigger (clitoris)
The “Mountains straight” echo (moan)].
And do I smile, such cordial light
Opon the Valley glow —
It is as a Vesuvian face
Had let its pleasure through —
[And do I “smile, such cordial light” each time “he pulls my “trigger”?
My “Valley glows” –
As if a “Vesuvian face”
Had “let its pleasure through” -]
And when at Night — Our good Day done —
I guard My Master’s Head —
‘Tis better than the Eider-Duck’s
Deep (low) Pillow — to have shared —
[And then at night – Our hunting done –
I guard “My Master’s Head –
‘Tis better than” sharing
A “Deep” eider-down “Pillow”]
To foe of His — I’m deadly foe —
None stir (harm) the second time —
On whom I lay a Yellow Eye —
Or an emphatic Thumb —
[To “His” foes – “I’m deadly foe”
When I fire my bullets (poems) – “None stir a second time –
On whom I lay a Yellow Eye —
Or an emphatic Thumb — ”, the same fate falls.]
Though I than He — may longer live
He longer must — than I —
For I have but the power to kill,
Without — the power (art) to die —
[“He” will likely die before I do –
But he “must” enter everlasting life in Heaven because –
My poems have “power to kill” on Earth, but –
Unless “He” intercedes in Heaven, my poems have no power to resurrect me into Heaven where He/Master/Wadsworth promised to meet and marry me.]
For Elizabethans, the final word of the poem, “die”, means “orgasm”, which ED, a Shakespeare groupie, certainly understood and probably used intentionally to end this “most difficult of all her 1789 poems” (Filreis 2024).
This poem, ‘My Life had stood — a Loaded Gun —’, is a Capitalized “Swoon” in ED world:
“Title divine, is mine.
The Wife without the Sign –
Acute Degree conferred on me –
Empress of Calvary –
Royal, all but the Crown –
Betrothed, without the Swoon
God gives us Women –”
(F194, Stanza 1,1861)